Hostage Situation
Gunman: “Anyone moves, and the girl gets it!”
Public 1: “She can have it.”
Public 2: “Careful she doesn’t go down on you.”
For more entries to this week’s WPC, see The Daily Post
Weekly Photo Challenge: Split-Second Story
Tag Archives: humour
Writing Process Blog Tour
Dear blog-amie Gabrielle Bryden has tagged me in the Writing Process Blog Tour, which involves me answering the following questions and tagging a few other writing bloggers:
What am I working on?
How does my work differ from others of its genre?
It’s never accepted for publication.
Why do I write what I do?
I once read somewhere that Stephen King said something along the lines of that if he hadn’t become a writer, he would’ve become a small town sniper. My reasons aren’t quite as extreme (and, in case you hadn’t noticed, neither is my level of success), but writing—poetry, in particular—is a good outlet for stress and the things that fire my imagination.
How does my writing process work?
It’s a bit like vomiting, really – atrocious analogy, I know. But it is; it just happens of its own accord. One Saturday morning, I sat down with the intention of writing a non-fiction post about the notion that cheese before bed causes nightmares and within an hour, I had written this, something altogether different from what I’d intended.
Next on the Writing Process Blog Tour (tagged writers, feel free to ignore)
Thanks, Gabe 😀
Class of Whatever
“Banker,
gay,
no kids”,
he says,
as he snips my fringe.
“That’s what I tell them,
then take it from there.”
We agree
school reunions
are best avoided.
Search Engine Poetry, Cryptically
After the response I got to my Search Engine Poetry challenge last year, I thought it would be fun to do it again this year. But, sadly, due to the reasons reported by Timethief over at
Google has gone and torpedoed all that – Pfffft!
(Christine, can you please have a mother-to-son chat about this! 🙂 )
What to do? What to do?
A Blog Title Poetry Challenge, perhaps?
Hmmm, doesn’t quite have the same ring to it…
..but it could be fun, and who knows what blogging gems we might discover along the way.
So, here’s my BTP challenge:
- Write a poem from WordPress blog titles (use the Explore Topics Tags in the WordPress Reader to help you).
- Be sure to hyperlink to the blog titles in your poem.
- Post the poem on your blog and leave a comment on this post linking to it.
- Read and comment on at least one post on the blogs whose titles you’ve used.
- Have fun!
I’ll go first:
Ducks in a row,
Let’s go!
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1000 Great Smoothies –
Cigars and Cupcakes,
The only Cin…
And whether or not you feel like participating in the BTP challenge, do yourself a huge favour and subscribe to one cool site; Timethief knows her blogging stuff and can help you with yours. One of her many really useful posts for bloggers can be found here. Thank you, Timethief.
Weekly Photo Challenge: Inside
Kant’s principle of respect for persons states that we should never use people as means to an end.
Kant obviously had no sense of humour.
This morning inside a train somewhere in Sydney
For more entries to this week’s, last week’s, the week before last’s WPC, see The Daily Post.
(Sh)It’s in the mail
First came the warning letter…
..and then the package.
Sending poo in the mail: there are few things more deviant, surely?
No, it’s not what you’re thinking: I didn’t receive poo in the mail from some demented troll, but have been requested by my Government to send mine. I kid you not. In Australia, you know you’re 50 when you receive…
..your very own Government-sponsored DIY bowel cancer screening kit. With instructions in 18 languages, an information & FAQ booklet, sample sticks, test tubes, labels, return envelopes, the lot.
FAQ: Can I place my samples in the fridge?
The mind boggles, and the imagination runs riot (the unsuspecting child, home from school, thinking mum’s left them some sort of treat, a la Heston Blumenthal).
Mine would be more along the lines of: Can they tell I drank a whole bottle of champers within 15 minutes of stepping through the front door last night? (Or that I have gag reflex to shots of our PM is his red budgie smugglers?)
So, Australia, not only is Big Brother watching you, but your poo, too.
Secretly, I’m impressed.
WPC: Selfie
Selfie, Picasso-style
Self Portrait (a re-post)
They say
We know
who we are
in adulthood –
Sister,
not brother,
Wife,
not mother –
A prosaic mosaic,
fragments of a self
But don’t ask me
to complete the picture –
Time has lost
more than a few pieces.
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For other selfies, see The Daily Post.
Five favourites from this week:
The Sadsock Truth
There is a shopping bag behind the laundry door. It has a special purpose: the answer to that eternal, infernal question: Where do unmatched socks go?
I once read that they end up sunning themselves on the beaches of Tanzania. Why not? We now know that flip-flops of the world escape to Kenya’s Kiwaiyu island. So it’s not difficult to imagine a soggy sock, in the despairing depths of a dreary sock marriage (and a job that’s more than a little on the nose), slipping down the washing-machine outlet pipe, away from its unsuspecting laundry dance partner, and out into the wide wonderful ocean. And then, finding itself on some idyllic distant shore, being swept off its feet foot, so to speak, by a sock mismatch made in heaven – ‘Shirley Valentine for Socks’. Sigh…
But the truth, I fear, is as dull as wash-water – missing socks, it appears, lie so near, yet so far from their perfect match somewhere in the bowels of the dark sock-drawers of their myopic owners. In our household, these sad singles end up in the bag behind the laundry door, invariably, not far from their original sock suitors.
Time for me to go and match-make.
For other hated household chores, see The Daily Post.
WPC: Object
the objectification of bovines
moo
For more entries to this week’s WPC, see The Daily Post.
My top 5 picks from this week
Zombie-ku
With wild flailing arms,
zombies stagger down the hill –
turbine aliens
WPC: Community (The Secret Life of Cows)
“I really don’t like the look of this two-legs.“
“Always suspicious of outsiders, aren’t you, Wazza?“
“Well, look, for a start, it isn’t making the usual ooh-they’re-so-cute noises.“
“He has a point, Dazza. It’s giving us the death stare. Maybe this two-legs has something to do with the overnight disappearance of our mothers, and our milk supply.“
“Ever the conspiracy theorist, Davo.“
“I reckon, it’s a Gary Larson agent.“
“Talking a load of bullocks, as usual, Kezza.“
“I think it should be eliminated. Charge on 3!“
“Good luck with the electric fence. Catchya later at the ‘Trough and Tag’.”
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For more entries to this week’s WPC, see The Daily Post. These 5 stood out for me:
Weekly Photo Challenge: Unexpected
Wild Conspiracies (a re-post)
I ask scribbly gum moths:
Why this graffiti on trees?
“Mind your own business,
they’re just doodles, if you please”
I ask a plodding snail:
Why the squiggles on the path?
“There ain’t nothing in it –
I just do it for a laugh”
I ask the sly hyena:
Why the tunnels ‘neath the trail?
“Well! Installation art’s
not only for the snail!”
I ask the bower bird:
Why that hoard of shining bling?
“Oh, poppet, it’s no mystery
objets d’art are my thing”
I ask the primping zebra:
What’s with the barcode?
“Poor darling, don’t you know?
Stripes are back in vogue”
But, you know, I don’t believe them –
It’s a vast conspiracy
It’s clear that they are sending
secret messages to me…
😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯
For more entries to the WPC Unexpected theme, see The Daily Post.
Blurb blurble bloop… Help! One-Sentence Biography Competition
I’m trying to get my first poetry book completed and self-published on Blurb. One of the elements I’m still missing is a short blurb/biography about me in relation to poetry – I don’t want to write this myself, and if I asked anyone in my family or non-blogging circle of friends, I’d get something along the lines of:
“‘x‘ is my ‘insert relation type here‘ – she writes poetry, but I’ve got no idea what she’s on about.“
So I’m looking for some help from you—the esteemed Blogging community (how’m I doing on the sycophantic flattery front?) for something short, and not necessarily serious, and thus am holding a one-sentence biography competition:
Post your entries in the comments section of this post.
I will include the kindest best ones on the front flap and may include any snide irreverent blooper blurbs on the back, all attributed of course.
Payment?!
Don’t be silly! We all know poetry books don’t sell!
The winner will, however, receive a mystery prize. 😉
For all the Aussies jaded by our pollies
Weekly Photo Challenge: Foreshadow
In a Pruning Mood
Whenever I go outside to garden (cue sounds of my mother laughing in disbelief, at this point), I’m reminded of Roald Dahl’s story ‘The Sound Machine‘, which is why I got rid of all the previous owner’s lovingly tended roses when we bought this townhouse.
That’s my excuse, and I’m sticking to it. 😉
For more entries from this last the week before last’s weekly photo challenge, see The Daily Post.
Sunny side up
Image via http://www.sxc.hu
“Breakfast tomorrow?”
“Yes.
“Our little weekend rituals
make me happy,
secure.
And prevent me from running
from the planet, screaming.”
OK, maybe I didn’t articulate that last line, hehe.
Weekly Photo Challenge: Masterpiece
At Moo Burgers, kids are encouraged to give expression to their inner Moonet.
I’d give Tony, aged 4, first prize for his moomorous, Aussie-themed moosterpiece.
The world seen through the eyes of children can open ours – see Launch Pad for children’s unique insights.
For more entries to this week’s photo challenge, see The Daily Post – my top five for the week:
Sea of Creepy Monsters (Warning: Not Suitable for Tillys)
I don’t believe in god or Intelligent D, But if I did, it would seem to me, While creating things wot live under the sea, He was high on coke or LSD.
When life gives you lemons…
This week’s photo challenge theme is one I’ve participated in previously, so I’m giving it a miss. Instead, in response to this question from Elizabeth over at Mirth and Motivation, I’m posting my Mondegreen poem, which I wrote for Gabrielle Bryden’s Citrus Fiesta some time ago.
naughty lemon by bb
LeMondegreen
I thought it really quite absurd
(and way too weird) when I heard
the 70s band Hot Chocolate sing
about the very strangest thing –
wild lemony love in Cadillacs,
the joys of lemons in the sack!
One day it dawned it wasn’t ‘lemons‘
of which they sung, but rather ‘heaven’s‘
and so the song proved less obscene,
and my mishearing, a Mondegreen 😯
I’m taking a break from blogging for a while.
Happy blogging
😀
And hope to see you on the other side.
Balancing
Image via http://www.sxc.hu
The upside of the downside is creativity,
downside of the downside – survivability,
upside of the upside,
anxiety-free,
downside of the upside…
..dearth of poetry.
‘In a dark time, the eye begins to see’
Theodore Roethke
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Someone who’s definitely not suffering from a dearth of inspiration at the moment is artist (and hidden poet) Bénédicte Delachanal.
Check out her wonderfully humorous marriage of art and words as she tackles this month’s NaPoWriMo challenge. C’est une joie. 😀
beeblu blog 
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