Tag Archives: humour

Weekly Photo Challenge: (A) kiss (to build a scream on)

Posted on by

No photo this week: I’m ambivalent about the whole kissing thing.

Sure, a kiss of any nature feels good (unless it’s from some lecherous golfing partner who’s intent on kissing instead of shaking hands) but then there’s that sound: like a dog licking itself or a person chewing with their mouth open – ewwww.

People kissing on the big screen or TV? Fine, just turn down the sound.

I thought this particular aversion was just another peculiar quirk of my ultra-cranky disposition,  until a few years ago when a young colleague expressed his mystification at why his wife would fly into a blind rage whenever their spaniel would do his daily licking grooming.

“Does she have the same reaction to people kissing on TV?” I asked.

“Yes!!” he shrieked.

I was onto something.

I did some research. Turns out, it’s a disorder (Of course. What isn’t?!). And it goes by the name of Misophonia.

In my case, these rage-inducing noises are limited to certain mouth sounds in others: teeth-sucking, open-mouthed chewing, licking, slurpy kissing, lip-smacking, spaghetti-sucking, finger-licking  (I guess you won’t be inviting me over for dinner any time soon, haha).

Actually, it’s not that bad – I don’t have to leave the room to deal with my neurological irrationality. Just wish I could use it to my advantage: I’d be soooo thin if I had the same reaction to the sound of my own chewing…

What about you? Are there any sounds that drive you beyond crazy?

****

For genuine entries to this week’s photo challenge, see The Daily Post.

Great Cinematic Moments

Posted on by

This is one of my all-time favourites.

I took ballet, modern and tap-dancing lessons from the age of 3 and aspired to dance like Cyd, but after a friend adapted the lyrics of ‘She’s a Long-legged Woman Dressed in Black’ to “she’s a short-legged woman” to describe me…well, you can guess the rest.

Sometimes friends have to be cruel to be kind.

Search Engine Poetry: Sweet Planet Poems

Posted on by

She was the first blogger to make me laugh out loud, by asking me, on my About page, whether I was a man or a woman  – the question astounded me and was the beginning of my appreciation of the mind-altering value of blogging: the way others perceive us is often so different from the way we see ourselves.

Insightful and multi-talented, Monica of Sweet Planet Poems is one of my oldest blogging friends – and how grateful I am that she has stayed the distance! 🙂 She has a delightful sense of humour, a rare generosity of spirit and a passion for the natural world that infuses her enchanting blog and publications.

She is a tireless campaigner for the protection of wolves in their natural habitat and shares their mystique in her wonderful poems, videos and photos many of which she creates on her frequent trips to Yellowstone National Park.

Monica has woven this delightful found poem in response to my Search Engine Poetry Challenge – I see it as a mirror of all the good in her heart (even the “picking up dog poop” line. :-D)

xxx

And here are a few of my favourite posts on Sweet Planet Poems:

Wild Wolf Encounters – this post is a free download of Monica’s wonderful collection of poetry on wolves.

Homeward Bound

With Patton in Germany

Mathematics of the Heart

City Skin

Spiral Rings

René Who?

Thanks for participating, dear Monica

😀

Weekend Prompt: Childhood Revisited

Posted on by

bb-ch1

It wasn’t smells or tastes or dear old Patchy,
or Teddy or Polly or clothes that were scratchy,

but bright orange blossoms beaming out from my walls,
retro symbols of happiness from ceiling to floor –
my first bedroom’s wallpaper sticks like glue
in my mind to this day  (my sibling’s too –
at the time they thought he had chronic colic
but, it seems, brother’s wall-art was making him sick –
all those racing-cars whizzing about his head
(he confessed, years later) made him dizzy in bed).

So my first memory – wallpaper, and subtropical heat,
and the tickles of mum’s kisses under my feet.

bb-ob

In response to the Daily Post’s Weekend Prompt: Childhood Revisited – What is your earliest memory? Describe it in detail, and tell us why you think that experience was the one to stick with you.

Search Engine Poetry: The Laughing Housewife

Posted on by

My linguistics professor would call it “spooky action at a distance“, and, indeed, it is a sort of blogging quantum entanglement, a weird close encounter of the blogging kind.

I speak of The Laughing Housewife, a.k.a. Tilly Bud.

Not that I’m saying Tilly’s weird, you understand (although once you’ve read her Search Engine Poem, you might disagree) – what I’m referring to is the strange coincidence that although we’ve never met, and know of each other only through our blogging connection, twenty years ago we were in the very same room at the very same time. (You’ll have to read this post’s comments if you want to know more).

So, anyway, what to say about Tilly?

A monumental intellect, a resilience that’s instructive, and a sense of humour that can shine a light through the darkest disposition. Nothing can wipe the smile off her face.

Quite like a worldwide shortage of Maltesers (I suspect this (second photo) was one of those times),
dodgy punctuation and grammar (any evidence of this in her found poem below is purely intentional),
or sycophants and flatterers (“no Maltesers for you!“).

She loves to cook, dance, sing, and do I’m-not-going-to-ask-what to the long-suffering Hub. 

But we forgive her all that ;-), because, besides making us laugh and being a loving mother, Tilly is an accomplished poet.

Not only has her poetic talent been showcased in poetry journals and other interesting places, but she’s also about to release what promises to be a very interesting book of poetry memoir, and has another (on poo) in the pipeline ;-).

In the meantime, here’s her entry to my Search Engine Poetry challenge.
(Warning – not suitable for those suffering from Chaetophobia)

girls that dont shave

a found poem for Bluebee

irish women don’t shave
welding women don’t shave
freak americans don’t shave

hairy women armpits
bushy sweaty arm pits
kerala housewife armpits

air in armpits, girls

————————-Thanks, Tilly! 😀 (let’s hope you never find yourself in the same room as these internet-search weirdos)———-

Weekly Writing Challenge: A Splash of Colour

Posted on by

the colours of my week

my laptop gave me

the black screen of death,

without it, no silver

to keep out of the red,

my face was white,

my language was blue,

the week took on a greyish hue,

but then three techies with hearts of gold

coloured me back from this online cold,

so things looks rosy, I’m back in the pink –

Geeks of the world, to you I drink!

************************************************************************************

For more entries to this week’s writing challenge, visit the Daily Post.

Search Engine Art – Bénédicte Delachanal

Posted on by

Wonderfully talented artist Bénédicte Delachanal has posted this marvellously creative and witty response to my Search Engine Poetry challenge on her blog CARNET DE DESSINS/Bénédicte’s blog.

Hop over and have a look – it will brighten your day.

Thanks, Bénédicte – I love it 😀
(and would love to see your artistic interpretation of “non living things never alive”!)

I met Bénédicte through blogging (thanks Gabe) and have since done business with her, buying a number of her artworks as gifts for friends. She is an absolute pleasure to deal with.

Below are links to some of my favourite posts on Bénédicte‘s blog:

Bloomington Theater and Art Center

Drawing a City

Venezia in Digital Colours

Poisson Pas Content

Drawing the Mind

The Hours of the Day

Mood of Colours

Tintin Meets Spielberg

Hou Hou

Blogging is a never-ending treasure hunt!

Search Engine Poetry

Posted on by

???????????????????????????????

orange worm in mandarin

bluebee militant

???????????????????????????????

people’s shadows

picture of non living things never alive

????????????????????????????????????????

what is hoohoooo

Richard Dawkins

???????????????????

large hadron collider

subatomic beauty

?????????????????????

People look up some weird stuff, don’t they? (Just ask Tilly :))

So, a fun challenge for you this weekend – in the tradition of  Book Spine Poetry, create a Search Engine Poem of your own (or an artwork, Benedicte and Renee),  send me the link and we’ll have a vote on the weirdest and wackiest at the end of  the weekend.

To see all the search engine terms that found your blog in the last 30 days, go to Stats > Search Engine Terms > Summaries > 30 Days

PS –  how would one say  “orange worm” in Mandarin? The Good Greatsby, can you perhaps enlighten us? 🙂

The Same By Any Other Name

Posted on by

Names of affection,
(Little Eddie, Sweet Baboo)

projection and deflection,
(Camille, Flame, Agapanthus)

colours and food,
(Pumpkin, Bean, Red, Blu)

some, unmentionably rude 😉

****************************

Prompted by this post at Go Jules Go

Wild Conspiracies

Posted on by

I wrote this in September for Gabrielle Bryden’s National Poetry Week Challenge.

For more animal-flavoured poetry check out Gabrielle Bryden’s Penguin Week series.

***

I ask scribbly gum moths:
Why this graffiti on trees?
“Mind your own business,
they’re just doodles, if you please”

I ask a plodding snail:
Why the squiggles on the path?
“There ain’t nothing in it –
I just do it for a laugh”

I ask the sly hyena:
Why the tunnels ‘neath the trail?
“Well! Installation art’s
not only for the snail!”

I ask the bower bird:
Why that hoard of shining bling?
“Oh, poppet, it’s no mystery
objets d’art are my thing”

I ask the primping zebra:
What’s with the barcode?
“Poor darling, don’t you know?
Stripes are back in vogue”

But, you know, I don’t believe them –
It’s a vast conspiracy
It’s clear that they are sending
secret messages to me…

***

Style Guides Stole My Brain

Posted on by


then
I was certain
of semi versus colon
phrase versus clause
en versus em
stop versus pause

but now
Defence does it this way, Academia, that
and for each I must wear a uniquely styled hat
Tech sector, plain English; Marketing, spin
little wonder my head’s in the shape it’s in
and I spend my days completely confounded
debating if words should be merged or compounded
and whether it’s ‘a ton’ or ‘1 ton’ or ‘one tonne’
(get that one wrong and your career’s good as done)
if I can dash with impunity or must double-dot
and when I must…
..and when I must not
and the comma, the comma—oh, don’t get me started!
it once knew its place; now it’s upped and departed
my participally dangling brain in revolt

Oxford, Strunk and Chicago,
it’s your @:^#;$\,&*! fault

————————-

Thanks to The Laughing Housewife for her CoWA this week which cheered me up immensely after a rather gruelling morning at the dentist 😀

Dreams of a Love Gourmand

Posted on by

He ate Suzi’s paella

and dreamed of Ipanema,

of romance in Marbella

and Rio de Janeiro

–

He ate Fleur’s rindless blue

his dreams were psychedelia

he dreamt he was Theroux,

da Vinci and Ophelia

–

He drank Ping’s green absinthe

and dreamt he was a fairy

with eyes as green as minthe

his wand, a blue canary

–

He ate Fang’s chou dofu

her durian, then balut,

and napped as King Shi Chu

at war with King Canute

–

He ate Ann’s cherry duck

nightmared of Gordon Ramsay

who served confit of muck

with jus of some philandery

–

Then came Maeve’s Irish Stew,

no dreams his sleep disturbed

and as he woke he knew

his food of love’d been served

No Worries

Posted on by

The esky’s packed with ice and toots,

we’ve phoned for fish ‘n chips,

dressed down in thongs and ugg boots,

for the nuptials of His Nibs

—-

Our PM, a Republican daggy,

an atheist, and unmarried to boot,

will schmooze at Westminster Abbey

with First Bloke, toasting our roots

—

‘The Chaser’s been given the flick,

Beeb and not-amused Charlie to blame,

Instead, Antipodean kicks

will come from that dodgy old Dame

—-

Yes, for today, we’ll forgo real news,

indulge in some frivolous folly,

chuck a sickie from workaday blues

and quaff a few bottles of Bolly

—

Poems that rhyme

Posted on by

I love my two grown nieces,
my man is just divine,
I like prose poetry pieces
but moreso, poems that rhyme.

I love to eat red meat
while quaffing fine red wine,
dark chocolate is a treat
but not like poems that rhyme.

I like to swim butt-nude
at night in summertime;
it elevates my mood
but so do poems that rhyme.

I’ve slept out in the Sinai
dived there in summertime
but nothing could be finer
than dreams of poems that rhyme

I like to read Steve Pinker,
Mark Baker is sublime,
I like a critical thinker
but mostly, poems that rhyme.

I know Lew Carroll’s poems by rote,
Will Shake’s a fave of mine,
ee cummings get my vote,
‘cos he wrote poems that rhyme.